As I was talking to my friend, I came to the conclusion that maybe the need to be monogamous stems from the need to have some one all to ourselves. In most situations a friendly relationship turns ugly when the two decide to be monogamous. Women often say men have a problem with commitment, but could it be possible that our issue is feeling like some one owns us. And from what my female friends tell me; when a man is eager to be in a relationship, he soon becomes controlling. I put forth the question. Are we monogamous for the right reasons, or is it an extension of our selfish nature?
Related posts:
- Love The Search for the One Love must be in...
- Why do you have sex? Because it feels good! Let’s dare to dig deeper,...
- The cure for heartbreak Have you ever had a bad breakup? Does your...
- Would you date you? It’s easy to say, “I can’t find a good...
- The Perfect Woman Understands my motives, so she can forgive my actions Is...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
on Apr 9th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
i see it as a way of knowing that you can lose yourself with someone. i mean monogamous gets rid of the bouncing around and i guess insecurity. i don’t have to worry about diseases because it’s supposed to be me and only me. i don’t know. i understand what’s being said, but to think of it as being selfish???? naw man.
on Apr 9th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
2 call it “selfish” is a poor excuse not 2 be in a monogamous relationship. If more people were, less people would get STD’s, most people would have trust issues. People shoud try it, it’s a great thing w/the right person.
on Apr 15th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Monogamy is far from selfish. You have to remember that its not about having someone to yourself but having someone that you can build a future with. To be monogamous there is a give and take system and I don’t see how that is selfish. It becomes selfish when someone who hasn’t made the decision to be monogamous is in a monogamous relationship making someone think they are. If someone starts feeling like they are “owned” its deeper then the issue of monogamy they have other issues, maybe they don’t want to be with the person and the relationship starts to feel like a job. Or with men getting controlling, that’s also not an issue of monogamy but esteem issues or how safe he feels in is relationship. Monogamy to me is the most selfless thing you can do.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Wow, sounds like monogamy has become the scapegoat. This post touched on some much deeper issues. But with regard to the “subject”, I see it as the antithesis of selfishness….how is it selfish to want to be in a stable, commited, and hopefully disease-free situation? It is, however, selfish to want to have multiple partners/companions to satisfy one’s own hedonistic desires. I agree with mikitamanda. I think monogamy is selfless. It is putting someone else’s well-being before your own. You are choosing to nurture and develop your commitment to your partner. Whether your commitment is long-term or short-term, remember that it is 2009 not 1959. By entering a monogamous relationship, situation, sexual arrangement etc….you are choosing to live your life responsibly.
on Apr 16th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
From what I have read so far, the only reason to be monogamous is for the security of it. Is there security in a polygamous relationship or an open relationship?
on Apr 18th, 2009 at 8:49 am
It is more then security but security is a very important part of it. To be monogamous is to be responsible as bird said. To be monogamous is to see something bigger with that person then sexual needs. It’s to have a plan with this person that is far bigger then a human’s animalistic needs. Whether it be to create a family or have a strong companionship. Monogamy comes with rules and rules are needed for order and growth. There is security with polygamy too. The husband has to care for all his wives and they all work together for the greater good. He’s not just going around having sex with different people he has to care for these woman and the children he has with them. As I said before there is a greater picture. A polygamous man may be able to openly sleep with different woman but he pays a great price for the luxury which is taking care of them and children and raising a bigger family.
on Apr 19th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Well said Makitamanda
on Dec 2nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Apparently I’m late commenting on this blog but I like the subject matter. I must agree with Mikitamanda & Bird.
Monogamy is SO selfless. When one makes the commitment to be with 1 other person they’re usually choosing to go beyond their own selfish desires for a common goal. It also helps minimize risky behavior with multiple partners. Although, I can see why some people think monogamy is selfish. Those people like the illusion of freedom to do whatever, with whoever, without repercussions or consequences. Who’s really being selfish?
Once maturity sets in people tend to opt for the stability, dependability & familiarity of a monogamous relationship. However, I will acknowledge that some people enter into monogamous situations just to control the other person.
on Nov 1st, 2010 at 11:59 am
I can’t say that any form of love is entirely selfless. Many people desire relationships not only to provide happiness for their partner, but because they like the way that other person makes them feel. Making relationships partially selfless and partially selfish. I don’t think we westerners truly analyze and critically think about the various forms of relationships. This results in most discussions on the topic to be heavily biased in favor of monogamous relationships. There are also a lot assumptions being made about people open relationships or poly-relations. Much of what causes tension in relationships usually originates from sexual drive. *For the most part* our species is not wired to be sexually exclusive although individuals do have differing sex drives which may make some people more suitable for pair bonding than others. So what about people who have high sex drives? Are we to project our ideals of intimate relationships onto them? Are we to label them with titles of negative connotation like “promiscuous” or “whore” or “selfish”? Are you any more responsible for your genetic make-up that gives you an advantage in staying sexually exclusive than someone who is hard-wired to sew their wild oats? It is safe to say that sexual preferences are innate more than they are “choices”, so why would it be absurd to think that pair-bonding or not would be genetic predispositions? I think society’s problem with issues like these is that socio-economic forces influence our standards for behaviors and sometimes these standards contradict biological predispositions. Thus creating a clash between what we “should” do vs. what we “want” to do. I often hear people say that just because we aren’t naturally monogamous it does not mean we can’t fight these urges. The problem I have with this is that it reminds me of that religious attitude about sex. The underlying message being that we should suppress these urges. For many men and women monogamous relationships may be nothing more than a form of sexual repression. I question whether this is healthy in practice. As for how people can make relationships with different partners work, I think it is dependent on how we as a society evolve to complement and encourage these types of relationships.
on May 17th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Well said, Enigma!
on Jul 13th, 2011 at 7:38 pm
@ Enigma:
I actually hear the opposite: that since humans are not meant to mate exclusively with one mate during a relationship that they should not be restrained from their wants. That true love should be selfless, therefore one “should” allow multiple sex partners for his/her partner. Having multiple sex partners lets one or both partners not feel locked in the party of two that is monogamy. Any jealousy felt is due to personal insecurities and how society is “brainwashing” relationships. Open relationships and its kind are seen “more evolved” relationships. That is the logic that drives open relationships.
Not saying I agree with its accusations against monogamy, though.