I have observed that after women break the age 25 mark their desire to marry grows exponentially each year. I have observed women analyzing the “marriageability” of a man after the first date or ending an existing relationship because the guy wasn’t moving towards marriage fast enough. I asked,why do you want to get married? The answers were elaborate but can be simplified down to status and security. As these women get older the word “single” becomes increasingly disturbing which causes their own insecurities to rise and desperation to set in. The other reason is that they crave the security of the nuclear family structure (father, mother and children). They want to raise future or current children in a safe and structured environment.
Where’s the love? Does a title and/or security replace the emotion that is suppose to happen before the contract of marriage? Is there and unwritten time limit on how long people in love can date before signing the papers?
What are your thoughts?
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on Jul 9th, 2009 at 9:01 am
While I was in a relationship the better part of 13 years, I never married. The love in the relationship and the commitment to it was most important to me. The marriage part was just a piece of paper - or so I told myself. Looking back now, I lied to myself. It was importnat… can really put a good explanation as to why.
I like to believe that I have matured some… some…
Still love is most important to me as well as stability. I am still open to marriage…I welcome it… but not without love and friendship first. I cannot sacrifice those just to fit into some construct that society has erected. I don’t have a time limit… an expiration date… a best if used by date. I choose to believe that when and if it happens then great… I’ll just keep improving and growing and he will be sooooo damn blessed to have found me (and I him) at that point in time.
Now with all that being said, biology dictates that women have a shorter “shelf-life” when it comes to having children. Men who wait longer and still want children tend to go for younger women which is likely a big part of the reason why you see this push in women - they don’t want to be skipped over and judged as lesser. I can dig it… Sure science has progressed and almost anyone can have a baby but at what cost. So dating with no end in sight can be quite daunting when faced with the reality of “what if it doesn’t work out? I’ll have to start all over! YIKES!!!” Hmmmm…
on Jul 9th, 2009 at 9:23 am
I see your point… But your opening sentence says it all. “While I was in a relationship the better part of 13 years, I never married.” If you were married for 13 years and then got divorced there would be legal fees, name changes, credit problems and a host of other issues along with an emotionally straining break-up. I’m not saying no one should ever get married. I just want to make sure people see the reality beyond the fairytale.
on Jul 11th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
That is assuming the divorce was a nasty one. I have witnessed some relatively amicable splits. Sure they are not the norm but still… People simply need to learn how to exercise reason and logic - male and female.
As far as my situation… had we been married, i believe the only difference would have been the expense of the filing etc. While it was not the most pleasant of experiences, we realize that being hurtful, spiteful, etc was not an option for us. Despite the need to be apart, there was still love there… perhaps my situation was odd… it’s just the way it was and neither of us like to argue.
People get married for any number of reasons. Society seems to want to dictate the rules of marriage but it IS purely individual… that is unless you allow society to dictate it for you. As long as you are realistic about the “why” and your expectations … and hvae communicated and agreed upon those… then you have already started out on great footing. Growth in the same direction and the continual communication should allow most to succeed in this endeavor.
Unfortunatley, people have no idea what they are getting into sometimes…