Love must be in the air… or maybe we’re just getting old. Who knows?
Recently, I’ve heard several of my close friends tell me that they have found The “One.” Let’s make it clear, these people aren’t the average “sucker for love” types. My friends are logical, intelligent, experienced daters. Many of whom I assumed would never settle down without a shotgun being involved. One friend in particular went from Sex and the City to Housewives of…. (maybe that show was a bad example but you get the picture) in less than a year.
The concept of finding the “One” confuses and shocks me. These people were living their normal lives and then BAM! some miscellaneous stranger comes and changes everything. Most people like to believe that they have control over their lives and its path, but concepts like the “One” contradicts all logic.
Where did you find the” One?”
The simple answer: Any and everywhere. I interviewed 4 friends that found the “One” and their answers couldn’t have been further apart. Kay found her mate while shopping at the mall; Jay found his mate in African-American studies class; Lauren found her husband while working part-time at a retail store; And here’s the kicker… Nick was set up by friends on a blind date.
What were your expectations of what/how the one would be?
Talib Kweli said, “When people make plans, God is known to laugh.” It seems that for most people who have found the “One” this notion remains true. The ladies agreed that their “Dream Guy” was going to be a gorgeous, deeply romantic guy who satisfied their every want and desire. The guys had a less thought out idea of what the “One” would be like, more of an abstract sketch combining Beyonce and Clair Huxtable.
What specific things lead you to believe that your person is “The One?
Overwhelmingly, I received the same answer: The Connection. No one was able to describe this connection, but they all said, “I just can’t explain it” with the same joy and wonderment. Kay said simply, “When you know, you know.” She continued, “It was his personality, his ‘vibe’, our conversation.” She asserted that it had nothing to do with a physical attraction. “We didn’t even have sex until our wedding day.”
How did you feel when you realized that your person was the “One?”
Jay said it best, “Initially scared because that’s a huge realization to first make, sometimes people think that they have found the “One” but the other person doesn’t have the same feelings. Once both parties are confirmed, it’s a once in a lifetime feeling because the search is over.”
How do you feel now that you’ve met the one?
Relief! Everyone felt relieved that they found a person with whom they could build a foundation. They found someone with similar goals and aspirations and a willingness to make the “team” better.
It seems that our imaginary checklist of qualifications is just that… imaginary. These people were lucky and open enough to find a deep connection with another human being and have been forever changed because of it. Initial physical attraction was just an opening for something much deeper and more important. We spend most of our time and money trying to enhance our outward appearance, but in the end our personality, ideals, and ability to communicate is what attracts or deflects.
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on Aug 27th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
I think that as one gets older, we all deal with the question of being curious to know if we’ve found the right one. Have we met someone that we are going to spend the rest of our lives with, and how do we know for sure. I think at some point we come to realize that there is someone out there who’s the perfect match, but how do you get to that point? I think that anytime that you are in a relationship and it is starting to get serious, you need to take a look and evaluate the relationship before it gets further. Then I think you’d have to consider is if you can actually picture yourself with this person for the rest of your life. If you can’t see yourself with them when you get older, then why are you with them now, unless it’s just for fun. If you can see yourself walking down a red carpeted aisle with them in front of a pastor then that person is the one you should be with. However, if someone were to walk up to you and ask you if you are going to marry this person, and you have doubts in your mind, chances are that you already know that there are too great of differences between you and your partner, and it might not work out in the end. Finding “the one” can be a challenge for many, but for some “the one” just drops in their laps, whatever way it happens, you’ll know from the start if it’s meant to be.
on Apr 19th, 2012 at 8:54 am
I like this one and agree. I haven’t had that moment of knowing that I’ve found “the ONE” but I’m on the path and so far everything that you wrote is true.